Bluebird of Happiness

Bluebird of Happiness

So much has been on my mind lately, and part of what has been on my mind is whether or not to share it publicly? My intention with this blog was to put myself out there, and share my thoughts, my journey, and my passion for all things beautiful and stylish – including design, fashion, art, travel, etc. My blog falls far short of some of the amazing design and fashion blogs out there, but in the end – this blog is all me. I don’t get a lot of traffic on this blog, which is perfectly fine with me. Yes, I would love to occasionally know that someone is reading and that what I had to say was worth putting out there publicly, but it’s not the reason I do this.

One of the things I’ve been struggling with a lot lately is not feeling like I measure up. Part of this is because I’m struggling with losing weight. I am making progress, but it is slow. I’ve touched on the topic before, I think, that I love fashion and really want to dress and present myself well but I run into a couple of obstacles with that. One being that since I am changing sizes, and won’t be in a certain size very long (hopefully), I don’t want to invest much in a transitional wardrobe. Second issue is that I don’t have the kind of budget I’d love to have for clothes and accessories that a lot of other people do. Granted, I have some nice pieces, but the majority of my wardrobe isn’t high quality. So, when presented with an obstacle like this, I tend to go into the mode of doing nothing. Which bothers me. I had gotten to a point in my life where my motto was “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Thus, the reason I started posting my “wardrobe picks” posts. But then I quit doing it for a variety of reasons explored here. I have contemplated even deleting the posts from my blog completely. But, then there’s a part of me that feels like once I reach my goal weight, those posts are probably going to be important to me as part of my journey. So, for now they stay. But, God, I hate seeing myself in photos sometimes. Guess it’s all the more reason to really put 110% into getting where I want to go.

I love love love reading other blogs that are witty and smart and where the blogger makes self-disclosures about their own journey. And when all that is paired with photos of their beautiful home/wardrobe/life I love it even more. Part of why I love it is because it gives me something to aim for, a little piece of “hey I want that in my life”. And there are a lot of people that hear or see things about my life and think that it’s perfect or that I have everything and am so lucky. But, although I am so grateful for almost every single part of my life right now, I still want to strive to make those parts that I am not so happy about better.

This past week has been filled with ups and downs. The ups being that I completed another 5K. And my completion time was six minutes faster than my last 5K. I am so proud of myself for that. A couple of the ladies on my team are planning on continuing our Saturday morning walking and we’ll see where that takes us. We walk 3 miles every Saturday, which is very rewarding and when I go to my weigh in afterwards I feel so light and full of energy, regardless of what the scale says. This past Saturday, the scale read a 3.4 pound loss, which I am ecstatic about! I hope that means that I am past my plateau and can move forward with more losses now. And, my walking partner is also a part of Weight Watchers and is a size or two smaller than me. She is going to bring me her clothes that she can no longer fit into because they will fit me. She didn’t get to wear them very long, so it’s like I’m getting new stuff for my closet! And it solves my temporary problem of not wanting to invest in transitional clothing.

So, anyway, it’s been a little rough the past few weeks and I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed with stuff going on in my little head plus feeling bad about the weight. But, I think things are turning around. So, I’m going to work on encouraging myself, celebrating my victories and “feeling the fear but doing it anyway”. And I’m going to continue to take my inspiration from here, here and here.

P.S. – sorry if this post was a little all over the place. But, hey, that’s how I roll.

5 Responses to “Bluebird of Happiness”

  1. Tracey says:

    Congrats on your weight loss! And your improved time! You go girl! I enjoy reading your blog. 🙂 I know what you mean though, sometimes I feel like my blog doesn't measure up either! My home is comfortable but not beautiful, my stitching is good but not outstanding.. anyway.. I think your blog is great. And if your friend doesn't give you enough clothes, try thrift stores and goodwill- you'd be surprised what treasures are hiding there! Keep up the good work! 🙂

  2. Milltini says:

    girl–that is awesome! you are absolutely making progress on your goals and that is 100% something to be proud of. as women, i think we all go through these bouts of "i'm just not where i want to be"…or "gosh, i wish i had her life"…and in some ways maybe you are right, maybe some of the kick that we get to get going on our own hopes and dreams comes from seeing women who make it work and feeling motivated that if they can do it, you can do it. on the clothes issue, i think we've all been there–i have a fantastic closet by any standard (not bragging, but by sheer volume the thing is overflowing!!! haha)…but there are still days when i look at my clothes and think "these just don't cut it"…feeling your best is all about putting your best foot forward, and clothes/fashion/etc. has a lot to do with that. i'll just say this–use inspiration around you, shop the bargains, stay the course, and remember that you are amazing regardless of what you wear. people on the outside can see that even if you don't feel that way. phew! wrote a novel. this was a wonderful and honest post–thank you for putting it out there! xx

  3. Crazee4books says:

    Hi Michelle,

    I read your "Cozystyle" blog
    every time that I read your
    stitching blog, though I only
    leave comments on the stitching
    blog.

    I always love seeing what you've
    chosen to put together to wear to
    work or for other occasions. You
    are much more stylish and chic
    when it comes to clothes then I
    am. And you pair things together
    really well.

    I am also on the weight loss
    journey with weight watchers and
    I can totally understand how you
    feel right now.

    To me, judging by your blogs,
    you are a talented, free spirited
    person with a big heart. You are
    brave in your choices…whether it
    be trying a new craft, tackling
    your weight problem, decorating
    your home, or taking a chance in
    love again and trusting your heart
    to Eric. Not to mention walking
    5k … another challenge that you
    conquered with your usual
    determination and spirit.

    Soon enough the weight will go.
    You will see this challenge
    through to the end, as you've
    done with all your other challenges
    and goals. And you will succeed!!

    Just ignore the annoying little
    voice that many of us have been
    programed with these days that
    says we're not good enough.

    Celebrate your achievements.
    Celebrate yourself!!

    You are awesome!!

    Hugs and best wishes.

  4. The Phoenix Rising says:

    All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose. –Brian Tracy

    Face it you will 'peak' and you will 'plateau' but make sure the one thing you never do is 'give up'! I'm not sure how I originally came across your blog, but I followed CozyStyle anonymously months before I went public with my devotion. You always cheer me up. I look forward to the things you write and miss you terribly when you don't. Stay focused and keep up the great work. You have inspired me in a lot of ways. In part to you I have started a book club. Based on the other blogs you love I've found blogs about interior design, my own secret passion. Pour your soul out to us. We will support you!

  5. Jessica says:

    I came across your blog looking for Jessica Alba's fashion sense and style pics. It took me to your 2007 post. I have just been browsing your blog and I think that it is great. I know what you mean about "all the beautiful people" blogs that seem so perfect. I find you blog charming and your honesty very endearing. So be encouraged!!

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