So much has been on my mind lately, and part of what has been on my mind is whether or not to share it publicly? My intention with this blog was to put myself out there, and share my thoughts, my journey, and my passion for all things beautiful and stylish – including design, fashion, art, travel, etc. My blog falls far short of some of the amazing design and fashion blogs out there, but in the end – this blog is all me. I don’t get a lot of traffic on this blog, which is perfectly fine with me. Yes, I would love to occasionally know that someone is reading and that what I had to say was worth putting out there publicly, but it’s not the reason I do this.
One of the things I’ve been struggling with a lot lately is not feeling like I measure up. Part of this is because I’m struggling with losing weight. I am making progress, but it is slow. I’ve touched on the topic before, I think, that I love fashion and really want to dress and present myself well but I run into a couple of obstacles with that. One being that since I am changing sizes, and won’t be in a certain size very long (hopefully), I don’t want to invest much in a transitional wardrobe. Second issue is that I don’t have the kind of budget I’d love to have for clothes and accessories that a lot of other people do. Granted, I have some nice pieces, but the majority of my wardrobe isn’t high quality. So, when presented with an obstacle like this, I tend to go into the mode of doing nothing. Which bothers me. I had gotten to a point in my life where my motto was “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Thus, the reason I started posting my “wardrobe picks” posts. But then I quit doing it for a variety of reasons explored here. I have contemplated even deleting the posts from my blog completely. But, then there’s a part of me that feels like once I reach my goal weight, those posts are probably going to be important to me as part of my journey. So, for now they stay. But, God, I hate seeing myself in photos sometimes. Guess it’s all the more reason to really put 110% into getting where I want to go.
I love love love reading other blogs that are witty and smart and where the blogger makes self-disclosures about their own journey. And when all that is paired with photos of their beautiful home/wardrobe/life I love it even more. Part of why I love it is because it gives me something to aim for, a little piece of “hey I want that in my life”. And there are a lot of people that hear or see things about my life and think that it’s perfect or that I have everything and am so lucky. But, although I am so grateful for almost every single part of my life right now, I still want to strive to make those parts that I am not so happy about better.
This past week has been filled with ups and downs. The ups being that I completed another 5K. And my completion time was six minutes faster than my last 5K. I am so proud of myself for that. A couple of the ladies on my team are planning on continuing our Saturday morning walking and we’ll see where that takes us. We walk 3 miles every Saturday, which is very rewarding and when I go to my weigh in afterwards I feel so light and full of energy, regardless of what the scale says. This past Saturday, the scale read a 3.4 pound loss, which I am ecstatic about! I hope that means that I am past my plateau and can move forward with more losses now. And, my walking partner is also a part of Weight Watchers and is a size or two smaller than me. She is going to bring me her clothes that she can no longer fit into because they will fit me. She didn’t get to wear them very long, so it’s like I’m getting new stuff for my closet! And it solves my temporary problem of not wanting to invest in transitional clothing.
So, anyway, it’s been a little rough the past few weeks and I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed with stuff going on in my little head plus feeling bad about the weight. But, I think things are turning around. So, I’m going to work on encouraging myself, celebrating my victories and “feeling the fear but doing it anyway”. And I’m going to continue to take my inspiration from here, here and here.
P.S. – sorry if this post was a little all over the place. But, hey, that’s how I roll.