Years ago, after my divorce, I decided that it was worth it to take care of myself. I realized I deserved to dress well, to wear makeup, to fix my hair, to accessorize, etc. Watching one of the very first episodes of What Not to Wear on TLC was my wakeup call. They were showing the girl and how she dressed and looked “before”. I said to myself, “ohmygod, I look like that!” At first, I didn’t have the money to go out and purchase all new clothes, but I realized that nothing was stopping me from doing my hair and putting on makeup. Then I started looking at getting rid of clothes that had stains or tears in them. From there I went to wearing clothes that actually fit, instead of wearing clothes that were two or three sizes larger than the size I actually should have been wearing. I was hiding. I was trying to disappear into the background. But once my separation and divorce hit, it occurred to me that I deserved better – from myself and from other people. It was a long process, and in many ways I was learning things for the first time that a lot of girls learned in jr. high or high school. I was learning about makeup and purses and shoes and doing something with my hair other than pulling it back in a ponytail. I learned that long hair is not a style, it’s a length.
One of the things that came out of this metamorphosis was buying my first pair of heels. A friend took me shoe shopping at lunch one day, and I bought a pair of heels. I spent $49 on those shoes, and couldn’t believe I had spent so much money on a pair of shoes for myself. I loved those shoes, they were a step toward living my true life. I’m 5’9″, so putting on a pair of heels makes me really tall – there is no hiding when you’re that tall.
I am still on this journey of self-discovery, but one of the things I am finding is that I am determined to take care of myself. I deserve nice things, and things that show off my beauty. It’s not about spending a lot of money, it’s about knowing you deserve to treat yourself well. These new shoes encompass that feeling of being sexy, being beautiful, wearing clothing that accentuates my shape and being seen.
I could get used to this.